I wrote this essay five years ago. We were just about to sell our house and begin the long process of moving to our land. It all still rings true to me now, and is especially powerful as I am a little way down the road from those questions about our life that you'll read near the end. Now I know some of the answers, but not all, never all.
Truthfully, I could never have imagined what God had in store for us; the great joy, and much loss. In the struggle to live this life our family has been given, God continues to press us through the pain and break our chains so that we are free to truly love and serve Him.
Our life on our farm is in so many ways an expression of the hope we have in Jesus.
The Hope of Easter
by Patti Brown
Good Friday is a day I dread. It is much easier to think about Jesus’ birth, and his resurrection, than His death. I’d much rather pretend that part didn’t happen. I don’t do well with cruelty and torture.
Now that I am a mother, the horror of it seems magnified. I can’t begin to imagine. I avoid even thinking of what it must have been like for Mary. Her son’s horrific death came before His resurrection... could she have possibly known what was to come in the next few days? The bible doesn’t seem to give any indication she had foreknowledge of this, so for her, it was the death of her son, and that alone, that she was witnessing. How did she feel? Certainly, certainly anguished, desperate maybe. Where was her faith, did she cry out to God, did she lose hope? Or did she trust?
We don’t know, but we do know that what we now call Easter came three days later, and our Lord was resurrected, victor over death forever. Alleluia!
Do you ever feel hopeless? I know I do. There are times when I look at my life, and I feel overwhelmed, and see my sins glaring back at me, and can’t even begin to imagine how to dig my way out of the hole I have dug for myself.
Sometimes it’s trivial... the house is a mess, I can’t find one room in which there is a clean floor, I am over committed and I have two crying children in my lap. Other times it’s a deeper sense of hopelessness... I will NEVER learn how to be on time; I am a disappointment to my family because I am not more disciplined; and most painfully, I am a disappointment to God because of my distractibility, my selfishness, my disobedience.
How much I focus on myself in my hopelessness! Just look... in writing about it, I’ve used “I” or “my” twelve times!
What if I changed my focus? What if my eyes were on God instead of on myself?
Hope. There really is hope. Hope for me, hope for you, hope for these children who must live with my brokenness, hope for the wonderful man who blesses me by calling me his wife.
And that is what Easter is all about. Unlike those who loved Jesus during his lifetime, we pass the days from Good Friday to Easter knowing what has happened. Yes, we think, Jesus’ death is horrible, but wait... just a few days and it is Easter! Time to rejoice! To sing all the alleluias we can, to celebrate new life with those we love. To remember that we can pin all our hopes on the God who truly saves, who brings the ultimate light from absolute darkness.
And then we promptly forget. It’s as if we become Jesus’ friends and family on Saturday, as if we live out most of our days in that in-between time after His death, and before His resurrection. We can’t see the future, so we worry, we mourn, we lose hope. We focus on our grief and our suffering.
It is in these moments, that we must stand firm. We must “put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils’ schemes... so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:11,13 niv) We fix our feet to the Rock!
We must “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross...” (Hebrews 12:2 niv)
And we must turn our hearts toward Easter, remembering how it all “turned out” (although Jesus’ resurrection was only the beginning!). If God can bring hope into THAT hopelessness, what can He not do?
The bible tells us:
“Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Romans 5:5 niv)
Our hope is in Jesus... hope not only for eternal life, but hope for transformation NOW by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
When we give ourselves over completely to God He changes us. He really does take us and make us into a new creation.
My house is teeming with new life right now. Our son is hatching shrimp in a tank in his bedroom, while painted lady caterpillars spin their cocoons in a cage nearby. Over our front door, a mama and papa swallow have rebuilt last year’s nest in preparation for their babies soon to come. Our flowers are blooming, trees are bringing forth fresh leaves, and tiny green tomatoes are appearing on our tomato plants.
And our family prepares to embark on a new adventure of homesteading, leaving this little home that has blessed us so, and going off into the wide world. We do not know what will come of all this, as God continues to mold and shape, indeed to create our family. So many questions... will we be able to raise animals successfully? Will I be disciplined enough to be responsible for a much larger garden as well as livestock, while schooling and training our children? Will my husband be able to be as much a part of this as he wants to be?
And Lord... will the caterpillars really become butterflies?
I hope so. Oh, how very much I hope.
Steady your feet. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Turn your hearts toward hope... for remember, hope does not disappoint.
May you live each day as if it were Easter...
And friends, they did, the caterpillars did become butterflies, as I recall, each and every one, which was unusual. Take heart, take heart.
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)