Saturday, January 13, 2007

Things we've learned on the farm

Today's post is a collaboration between the five Browns. Well, Little Guy had a bit of help.

Things we've learned on the farm....

Little Guy:
1) Must eat Mama's face.
2) Must eat marble.
3) Must eat dog's face.
4) Must eat!

1) Don't try to make a dog your horse (the dog will just sit down).
2) You might like owning a cat.

Farmer Boy:
1) Don't stand under the tree in which the hens sleep.
2) A 6 month old baby should not go in a 9 year old's room.
3) Nice roosters never eat until they make sure the hens have enough.
4) Two plywood boards that are wet from the rain make an excellent slide when propped in the chicken coop window.

1) Never lean over a cow to take food from it (you'll need stitches but you'll refuse).
2) Mules bite.
3) When trying to pry the jaws of a goat open in order to stick your arm down its throat in order to extract a nail from its innards, it will let out a blood curdling scream.
4) Mesquite thorns go through rubber boot soles.
5) Tractors break a lot.
6) Always wear your pants on the outside of the boot.
7) Other people's fencing is much more interesting than it was three years ago.
8) If you plan a vacation to do fencing, the rain you keep praying for will come.

1) Never kiss a goat (can you say fat lip?).
2) Do not straddle a goat to give it medicine. It will not sit down like the dog (see Princess #2).
3) If you have work that must be done today and can only be done when the baby is sleeping, the baby will not nap.
4) Ground beef from the slaughterhouse is best packaged in 1 lb portions, not 2 lb.
5) Free range chickens would rather lay their eggs in the dog house and baby bike seat than in the chicken house.
6) Children do not automatically understand that getting in the horse trough is a bad idea. You have to make a rule.
7) Husbands who were dragged grudgingly to fireworks shows in the past will become 10 year old boys when they have their own box of fireworks and a 68 acre farm.
8) Goats will eat latex gloves. And trailer wiring. And your bike seat cushion. And chicken feed. And horse feed. And the window screen on your front porch. And your baby trees. And all the flowers around your house. And a nail.
9) Hens will occasionally catch a ride in the van to the post office with you.
10) If you're a farm dog, the ideal day includes a dip in the muddy pond, a nice shake right next to your favorite human, then a fragrant roll in a fresh cow patty.
11) The most comfortable place to sleep, if you're a dog, is either on the chair on the front porch or on the welcome mat. Not only does this bring you comfort, but it lends a homey feel to the porch. See number 10.
12) The following can not be given access to a pretty yard: dogs, gophers, goats, moles, chickens, ducks, children. And occasionally husbands.
13) Pretty yards are not nearly as much fun as: dogs, gophers, goats, moles, chickens, ducks and children. And always husbands.
14) The second most important thing on a farm is good fencing.
15) The most important thing on a farm is a sense of humor!

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